My Life as a Teenage Nebbish
by PPP SSC
Summary: A story that I wrote a long time ago but never got around to uploading. Sheldon ponders what will happen if he takes it a step further with Jenny as the Silver Shell.


Sheldon took one look at his feet and decided that he needed new shoes. So he went into the store; and he found the one person he was trying to avoid desperately—his competition.

"No, these shoes are much too ugly!" the tall buff man said snobbishly. Just the thought of this made Sheldon crinkle his nose in disgust.

"Don's sure got a lot of nerve," he muttered to himself, but the nebbish's irate thoughts caused him to slip and fall landing mouth-first on the ground. As he regained his composure, Don hands him the shoes.

"Here, I'm sure a loser like you wouldn't be too offended by their poor quality," Don said. Sheldon thought, _who are_ you _to insist something has poor quality, you arrogant, arrogant man? I honestly have no idea what Jenny sees in you. You'd probably abuse her anyway. At least you can't stand up to my secret weapon._

Don left the store, indignantly humphing at the aforementioned lack of quality. Sheldon took the shoes and left, thinking to himself the shoes were nice. He went home and entered his garage; and there stood his magnificent design; the one thing that could make Jenny as happy as Don could—and with a lot more of a moral compass.

He climbed into the costume, which not only added to his physique but also to his compatibility with Jenny. As he flew through the town, he saw the Krust cousins picking on Jenny. With super speed he flew to them and told them to stop. When they refused, he told Jenny, "Look away, right now, I'm going to do something that I'd never do in front of you."

He climbed out of the costume, and stood with his nebbish feet planted firmly into the ground, his shiny eyes compressing; nose wrinkling. Brit and Tiff began to tremble. He walked over to Brit, whispering in her ear, "The sine is the ratio of the opposite to the hypotenuse, and can be inverted to find an angle. The sine of 90 is 1, and the sine of negative theta is equal to the negative sine of positive theta."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! Too much MATH! NERD!!" Brit screamed as she ran away taking Tiff with her. Sheldon climbed back into his costume.

"Silver Shell!" Jenny asked—Silver Shell was Sheldon's superhero ego—"What did you do to make them leave?"

"I must never reveal my secrets," Sheldon said.

Suddenly Jenny was kissing the Silver Shell—by that I mean, her mouth touched the Silver Shell costume's, and Sheldon was immune to its magic. He pouted in costume… "Come on," Jenny said, "Let's take it to the next level!"

Sheldon began to stutter nervously, and advanced as the Silver Shell's voice scrambler was, it still came through, "The…the…the…n-n-n-next l-l-l-l-level?"

"Yeah, you know, everybody's doin' it, doin' it, doin' it?"

"Picking their noses and chewin' it, chewin' it, chewin' it?"

"Oh, Silver Shell, you're so funny. Whatever you say; you do know what I mean, don't you?"

"Umm… y-yes, I do, b-b-b-but I gotta go," he screamed as he zoomed off. And all Jenny got was an amazed, "Wow."

Sheldon was clearly aroused, but he refused to admit it, even to himself. There was only one person he could talk to from an objective, confidential perspective—Brad.

He knocked on Brad's door, and as he feared it was Tuck who answered. "What's wrong with you, Sheldon?"

"I need… to talk to Brad," Sheldon said, "And you can't listen because it's not an appropriate topic for little kids."

"I'm not little!" Tuck screamed, "I grew three inches last week."

"Talk about growth spurt!" Sheldon said, "But… I meant very young, not short."

"Oh… then it's probably good!"

"At your age, you'd probably find it gross."

"Gross, and you need to talk about it with Brad. Why not Jenny?" Tuck asked.

"Because Jenny would be really biased, and if I talked to her about this, I'd probably lose my chances of being with her forever. Now can I please talk to Brad, in private?"

"Sure whatever," Tuck said, "He's just in his room, sulking over his lack of love life…"

And that he was. And even Sheldon, who had an enormous crush on a robot, thought it was snicker-worthy watching Brad making out with a doll. "Sheldon? What are you doing here?" Brad asked when he saw Sheldon standing in his room, stifling a naughty little chuckle.

"I need to talk to you in private…" Sheldon said, as he shut the door to Brad's room, "It's about romance…"

"Oh, so at last you decided to come out to me. This is good. The first step is to tell the people closest to you about your sexuality…" Brad began. Sheldon became angry.

"I'm not gay!" he screamed.

"Now, going back in the closet isn't going to get us anywhere," Brad began.

"No, I mean, I'm really not gay. That has nothing to do with what I was trying to talk to you about."

"Oh, darn. I thought maybe I had a chance with somebody," Brad said, frowning.

"So are you…?" Sheldon asked, trying to sound as mature as possible.

"No, I'm just really desperate…" Brad answered.

"Anyway, before I can tell you anything else… I… am the Silver Shell." Sheldon confessed.

"No, really?" Brad asked sarcastically.

"You…you…knew?" Sheldon asked, "But he was so handsome and strong and not like me at all.

"The reason is that everyone knows a hero or villain's name is related indirectly to the person's real name or 'secret identity'. Frankly, Sheldon, yours was pretty obvious," Brad said.

"So why feign ignorance?" Sheldon asked.

"Because I knew you wanted to keep it a secret from Jenny," Brad said, "And I wouldn't violate your privacy to show off my deductive skills."

"Thanks," Sheldon said, "Anyway, Jenny wants to sleep with the Silver Shell…"

"Wow, she was too nervous to even kiss Don Prima, and she's already tackling fourth base with the Silver Shell?"

"Home base, Brad. You know, like a home run?"

"Hey, who knows more about sports, a loser or a nerd?"

"Which one am I not?"

"The loser, of course… That's my job!"

"Then apparently a nerd does."

"Anyway, back to Jenny…"

"Would being with Jenny as the Silver Shell take away my virginity?"

"Well that depends on whether you're looking at a technical, medical, or moral point of view. Which one?" Brad asked. Sheldon was not only impressed, but also pleased that Brad didn't first assume the moral point of view.

"Uh… medical, I guess…" Sheldon said.

"Well, considering Jenny is a robot, and the Silver Shell is a robot—I don't think there is a way for a robot to violate medical virginity, since I don't think they have STDs and I'm pretty sure they can't get pregnant."

"What about technical?" Sheldon asked, getting nervous.

"Technically, you'd have to be with her yourself, instead of being in the robot—because it's not like every time you 'do it', all the bacterias living in your body lose their virginities."

"'Bacteria' is plural, 'bacterium' is singular, and 'bacterias' isn't a word, but I guess you're right. And about the moral standpoint?"

"From the moral standpoint, yes, you would lose your virginity. But that's the kind of thinking that would say you couldn't get married ever to anyone besides Jenny because…"

"So wait, if I violate my moral virginity right away, Jenny will be condemned to marrying me?" Sheldon asked.

"Well, from the moral standpoint, sex before marriage should only be performed by two people who really love each other and plan to marry anyway. But you like Jenny right? So, is there a problem?"

"Well yes, Brad, there's a problem… I love Jenny, but she doesn't love me…"

"She does, Sheldon. She really loves you," Brad said.

"Then how come…" Sheldon began.

"Jenny is still too infatuated by the buff boys to see what less-than-popular skinny guys like you and I have to offer. Not that I'd try to steal her away from you, Sheldon. But as the Silver Shell, you can express your true feelings for Jenny without her being blinded by physical unattractiveness that most teenage girls undoubtedly see in thin, pale guys like you."

"Am I really that ugly, Brad?"

"No, but unless the man has muscles and the beautiful tan, the women ignore him even if he's on fire."

"But if I was on fire, Jenny would save me…" Sheldon said.

"See, I told you she loved you, but you didn't believe me," Brad teased.

"But Jenny can't see the connection between my personality and that of the Silver Shell." Sheldon whined.

"Well why ever not? The stuttering, the sweet chivalry, the constant running from your fears, the obvious fact that you have a crush on Jenny," Brad listed.

"Hold it, Bradley; I need time to think this through. You were ready to listen to me come out about being gay, and then you say it's obvious that I have a crush on Jenny. You're sending me mixed messages," Sheldon said.

"Well, Jenny is just a robot. I thought maybe if you felt attracted to people you'd pick the boys rather than the girls. I actually was kind of wondering if you were bisexual." Brad answered.

"Well, no, but thank you for the advice." Sheldon said. Unbeknownst to him and Brad, Tuck heard the whole thing. Or so he thought.

"I have to tell Jenny!!" Tuck screamed as he ran to Jenny's house. "JENNY!!!!!"

"What is it Tuck?" Jenny asked, "Is there danger?"

"No, but I have some dirt on the Silver Shell that perhaps you want to hear. The Silver Shell is Sheldon; and he's worried about losing his v-v-v-V something, I don't remember what, and he was talking to Brad about being happy."

"Brad, about being happy? Why would he… wait, what word did he use?"

"Well he used the word 'gay' but what difference does that make?" Tuck asked.

Jenny burst into tears and flew away. Tuck was confused about why Jenny felt so sad. So was Sheldon as he saw Jenny fly, crying past Brad's house. "Um… hang on, Brad, I need to see why Jenny is sad." Jenny just flew by Brad's room; and before Sheldon left, she saw him and Brad behind the closed door, and thought the worst.

"Jenny, are you alright?" a sympathetic Sheldon asked, putting a hand on her metal shoulder.

"Why don't you go back to your boyfriend, Silver Shell?"

"Wait… Silver Shell? Wait… boyfriend?! I don't have a boyfriend, Jenny, and why did you call me…" Sheldon started to converse. Jenny was too upset to listen. "Jenny?"

"Tuck told me that you were the Silver Shell and that you were telling Brad you were gay, and I believed the part about the Silver Shell in part because it's so great when you find out that the superhero you're in love with is the same person as that geeky shy kid you always ignore like in the Spiderman movies, but I didn't believe the part about you being gay until I noticed you and Brad together in the room with the door closed. I've wondered why Brad doesn't get a girlfriend, and I thought that HE might be gay, but not you Sheldon. You, Sheldon, are too loyal to me to be gay, but then I realized my own best friend did a better job of seducing my admirer than I did!!!" Jenny shrieked.

"Look, Jenny, I still love you. The door was closed so Tuck wouldn't overhear, but he must have eavesdropped outside the window or something. And I was telling Brad I WASN'T gay because that's what he thought I wanted to talk to him about in the first place."

"Why did you need to be alone with Brad?" Jenny asked, still incredulous.

"Because… because… I wanted to know whether it would contribute to my loss of virginity to sleep with you as the Silver Shell. But I couldn't talk to you about it because… if you found out I was the Silver Shell you might not like him anymore, or me. I couldn't talk to Tuck or your mom because Tuck takes everything he hears as free to be replicated, and your mom would never approve. And I can't talk to Don Prima who feels he's twelve tiers above me, and the Krust cousins just run when they see me, because they're intellectiphobic."

"So Brad was the only person you could talk to with confidence and objectivity." Jenny said realizing that Sheldon was okay. But on her leave she said, "Oh and by the way Sheldon, I love your shoes."

Sheldon blushed.

Nickelodeon refused to air this show because it had mature sexual themes in it, but it did eventually air on adult swim which isn't even on the same channel. Nickelodeon ate Cartoon Network and everything was better.


End file.
